Wednesday, November 26, 2008

The secret of attracting the “perfect” woman for you

Many times guys have asked me, what is the best secret for drawing women towards you, the kind of women that you would really want for a longer term relationship. Without much buildup or fanfare here are a few key steps that can help steer you in the right direction:

1) You need to know what you want specifically, in terms of looks, interpersonal qualities, values that will be shared in the relationship.

2) Write them down, the process of writing it down brings focus and clarity to your efforts as you specifically describe what you are looking for. For those of you familiar with “The Secret” and the “Law of Attraction” know that there are subconscious and even metaphysical qualities to work with.

3) Prioritize those qualities and write them down. Then be patient with the knowledge that it is not necessarily going to happen overnight. You need to grow and evolve as a person, develop your own self and your social and relationship skills. Be selective with women: set standards and challenges on things other than physical attractiveness.

4) Actively screen for and select based on those personal qualities about her. This has several advantages. One is that when a woman knows that just being hot is not enough, it sets you apart from other men and makes you a challenge which makes you even more attractive to her and really engages her interest. Another advantage is that it helps you find someone you are really going to be attracted to.

Some men are just looking for a woman that is physically attractive and then try to figure it out from there if at all. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but as you get better at attracting attractive women toward you, you will realize that there is no scarcity of attractive women. However if you are past the basic stage of just finding a woman who is “hot” and are looking for a woman that will really blow your mind, the kind that you’ll want to keep around and develop a relationship with that lasts in the long-run, then you need to know what you want.
Of course the problem is knowing what it is that you want, part of this is a process of discovery in which you may know what it is that you don’t want more than what you do want. In several keys areas you will want to find someone that is similar to you and if they are different you want it to be in a way that is complementary not in a way that is conflicting and creates divisive tension or a lack of compatibility.

Do you want a woman that is supportive or your professional interests and hobbies?
Do you want a woman who has her own goals and ambitions?
How important is sexual chemistry to you?
Do you want someone that is very energetic and athletic?
Emotionally mature? This does not necessarily correlate to age.

For example a couple months ago I created a long list of qualities that I wanted my ideal woman to have and I wrote them down to a friend of mine. Now several months later I have finally found what I am looking for. Can I guarantee what will happen in the long-run or if what I am looking for will change someday? Of course not, but for the moment I do feel as if I have found what I am looking for.

Just in case you were curious this is what I personally came up with, not necessarily in order of priority or the order of how I discovered these qualities.

So I guess if I could reduce it down to a formula:

Highly intelligent (good general guideline is gifted level intelligence or above, and I also skew my judgment toward very high verbal intelligence).
Pretty good people judgment/ intelligence, street smart common sense, can advise and help me continue to develop social intelligence
Practical, independent, has goals and ambition, but where I can feel at least somewhat useful as a contributor of advice and encouragement. Even superwoman can use at least a little support.
Emotional maturity
Physical energy, athletic, outgoing, likes to travel
Emotional and interpersonal strength, can stand up for herself, and also help get my back when necessary.
While having her own goals, can be supportive of my goals and ambitions too, and maybe help me stay focused, not as a burdened caretaker but as someone who can offer sound advice and some encouragement.
strong sexual chemistry, sex is hot and we are on the same page, however not a situation where I am carrying things because I have the stronger energy but a meeting a mutual energy where each of us drives the other one even higher.
sexual adventurousness, one thing I've considered was a woman that was interested in hunting down other women with me, or was interested in at least observing the alternative lifestyle community although really I think it just boils down to keeping an edge on things and being able to explore together.
physically attractive, there is actually a pretty wide range of possibility on this one, but I think I need to put some more emphasis on this one than I have in the past. I guess this boils down to
someone who takes care of themselves, keeps in pretty good shape, is at least about 5'5 or taller, white, northern European decent.

= The working definition of what is as close to an ideal of the "perfect" woman that I have come up with.

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