Monday, September 7, 2009

LR 082609 - HB Petite Brunette from Public

I was out with my coaching group after another seminar session. We then went on to the rooftop at Public in DuPont Circle for our infield work. Zengame, ElectroPussyMagnet and Magellan were all getting some solid hooks, including Magellan AMOGing a DC United player, ZenGame working a two set and ElectroPussyMagne amping tension with the chick who gave him road head after leaving the bar.

I was just about to go because I had a business networking meeting early the next morning when I spoke to ZenGame about a two set in the corner and he encouraged me to go in and open even though I was tired and ready to go. I opened by interrupting their conversation, used a false time constraint that I was on my way out the door and then sat down next to the woman I wanted to talk to. She is a petite brunette, Jewish GW student, 21 years old, fun, relaxed, chill vibe, a little bit too much eye shadow but I didn't hold it against her Smile.

Within 30 seconds of talking she became visibly more relaxed as I focused on sustaining a high level of eye contact, having relaxed body posture especially in my shoulders, matching and mirroring her movements and consciously slowing down my tempo and body movement. ZenGame comes in to wing and manages to successfully prevent the friend from having any chance of becoming an obstacle.

She asked me what I do and so I said I teach men how to “become irresistibly attractive to women.” She cracked up and said "what like the Pickup Artist?" I responded well sort of but different, (and then went into my bad boy/ good boy pattern)

It’s about becoming the kind of guy … you know because women have often told me that they have to choose between an exciting, adventurous, highly sexual, bad boy on the one hand (gesture palm up), who may also be a bit of an asshole and not otherwise be good for you (gesture down and away on the same side) OR a guy who is respectable, who you can really connect with, (gesture palm up) who might be kind of boring or not have the balls to stand up for himself (gesture down and away).

But wouldn’t it be great if you could find the best qualities of the exciting, sexual, bad boy (bring left hand in towards in front of me) at the same time as you find someone who you can really be comfortable with and connect with (bring right hand in front me to come together with my left hand). Now, isn’t it great when you can find that in the same person (self point) and look at him through those eyes.

This tranced her just a little bit, so I leaned back a little and spoke about my seminar experience from the past weekend. Then I used the blammo pattern sliding anchor to escalate a visual synesthesia amplifier of a peak experience. At this point the bar was closing so I got her phone number and started walking down the stairs with her. I was planning on going home, but then outside on the street her friends asked where they could find food. I ended up taking HB petite brunette toward the pizza place near 20th and P ST.

While we were eating pizza in DuPont Circle we ended up making out on the edge of the fountain next to a candle light memorial for Senator Ted Kennedy. I initiated the makeout first by gazing deep into her eyes, stroking her hair, massaging her scalp and then massaging her neck. Then I just leaned in and kissed her, cheek then turned to her lips and she started making out right then and there. I stood up so I could lean in and grind against her while she was sitting on the edge of the fountain. At one point she got scared that she was going to fall in the water, but so far so good.

Then I gave her a ride home to her apartment right across from the GW campus. Then I invited myself up to her place, “even though I have to get up early tomorrow, I don’t feel like going to sleep yet, perhaps I could stop by and check out your new apartment for a moment.” I parked on the street, knowing I was not going to be able to stay the night.

We went upstairs and as she left the car I discretely grabbed some condoms out of my glove compartment. Once upstairs one thing led to another but then she started to give me some token LMR. “The panties stay on” she said in a casual tone. I said “well how can I eat your pussy if you’ve got panties on?” This appeal to reason handled the objection just fine. I went down on her through and around her almost transparent salmon colored mesh panties and then just started pulling them off to expose a nice smoothly waxed pussy. She helped by arching her back so I could get them off, “well if you insist.”

After a few moments of oral on her I moved to get on top of her. She said but I’m not going to have sex with you. I just smiled, of course you’re not going to … imagine my thick cock plunging deep inside you … No, I’m just going to stay poised right, here (at the entrance). I rubbed up and down for a moment and then just plunged in with one stroke, no more protests from her Smile I consider this to be token Last Minute Resistance (LMR) rather than anything serious. Basically she was saying I'm going to give just enough resistance so I don't feel like a slut and so that I am a little bit of a challenge so that you'll value the experience.

Between rounds we were talking. She said “do you teach your guys to always sleep with a woman on the first night? It’s not the best way to start a relationship you know.” I smiled and said it’s the only way I’ve ever started a relationship … of any kind whether one-night or long-term. To me it’s not important when you choose to indulge your desires, but rather how powerfully you feel that magnetic attraction … now … with me I find that what’s really important is the power of that connection when you realize that you really appreciate this person’s company and realize that there is no judging, just pleasure … to the point where you want to enjoy it over and over again.

She then said “you are such an amazing person, I mean ooobbbviously when you started talking to me tonight I was attracted to you.” “ooobbb-viously” I responded back to her with a slight hint of mocking irony. “And when you invited yourself up here, obviously I was going to have sex with you.” “Ooobbb-viously” I responded, again mirroring her emphasis on the OB part of obviously. It was interesting to hear her talk through her process of interpreting, justifying and rationalizing everything into place so she could feel good about things. While it was certainly her choice and she was willing to own her sexuality, my lead helped her put some of the responsibility onto me.

After that we kept talking for a bit and it was good spending time with her even if I did not get any sleep that night Smile So there you have it, I've kept in touch since then and it turns out she really is a pretty cool chick with a pretty good head on her shoulders in addition to being fun and DTF.

LR 082309 - HB Sweet Tits shows some southern hospitality in Charlotte

I was in Charlotte hanging out at dinner with about 10 people from the weekend long NLP seminar along with a student of mine who is good enough to be a co-trainer, ElectroPussyMagnet, a name which is well deserved. We were playing around with all of the skills we had learned having fun playing with weasel phrases and embedded commands. ElectroPussyMagnet used some mad NLP skills to shorten our group’s wait time down from an estimated 2 hours to less than half an hour while charming the hostesses at Magiano’s. One of the hostesses even called a friend of her’s and told her to stop by to meet these 2 hot guys. Not a bad way to start our night of language experiments and planned debauchery.

While we were sitting on the patio the woman who the hostess told to meet us walked up to us, I'll call her HB Sweet tits. She came up to the edge of the fence by our group’s table on the patio at Magiano’s and then ElectroPussyMagnet and I started talking to her. She is about 5’6, pale skinned, curvy, blue eyed blonde with nice perky 36 DD’s, chill laid back, generally more of an introvert but she with a hint of a bad girl side she has her name tattooed on her upper back.
ElectroPussyMagnet was doing most of the talking, a blend of cocky funny juiced up with some weasel phrases and embedded commands. She was definitely interested, gave us both her phone number and later sent us a text telling us where to meet her. After talking game with our NLP seminar leader for longer than we had originally planned we finally made it out around 12:30 to a hick dive bar in uptown (formerly called downtown) Charlotte. This not what we had expected after working the upscale clubs at Epicenter the night before which was over run with hot chicks some of whom were buying us drinks and where we both kiss closed two friends that were part of a birthday party.

ElectroPussyMagnet and I quickly decided there was not too many women that we were that into and so we were using anyone and everyone for linguistic target practice, which was great fun. We met up with HB Sweet tits and some of her friends. After a little while HB sweet tits left for the bar to get a drink, Aye and I bailed for the outdoor patio where we could talk more easily. He started making progress with a Hooter’s waitress that was on the rebound after being dumped earlier that day.

I eventually went back inside to see a genuinely sad HB sweet tits “I thought you guys had left without even saying good bye.” I realized at this point that I did not need to be as cocky and challenging, so I gave her a hug, “aw, we weren’t leaving just wandered a little and then got distracted.” Although I might have to go rescue Aye from the Hooter's waitress outside, those women don't take no for an answer.

As I hugged her I started gently stroking her hair and then massaging her shoulder’s and then started kissing her neck. There was no resistance so I pulled back to face her, gazed into her eyes, tilted my head and leaned in for the makeout kiss. After some making out and pressing my leg against her pussy the bar was closing and she was heading out with her friends. ElectroPussyMagnet and I planned to arrange logistics with phone numbers from last night and get some rest for the seminar the next day.

Then we kept up by text:

Her 2:11 am: Mmm you are so sexy. Come back here soon and I’ll show you some southern hospitality.

Me: Mmm that sounds hot, it’s too bad you can’t stop by, it’s not necessary to imagine my thick cock deep inside you

Her: well I have to play somewhat hard to get … Though that sounds fucking amazing

Her: Will you come back soon so you can put your hard cock in my pussy?

Me: Hey I’m leaving tomorrow night but before I leave …

Her: before you leave what?

Me: perhaps we could meet for an early dinner

Her: like what time? I live in south Charlotte. You can come to me Smile

(I didn't get around to responding right away)

Her: aww, don’t you want me? ;-) goodnite

(she then sent her address)

Sunday during the seminar:

Me 10:36am: Ah, and it will have to be an early dinner since I need to get back. But of course your sweet pussy will make a tasty appetizer. I do like to take my time.

Me: As you imagine the feeling of my tongue kissing my way down your body and find yourself anticipating what it will be like when the velvety texture of my tongue is lapping away at your clit …

After the seminar I went over to her apartment and just hung out and talking to her on her couch over a bottle of wine and then took her and ended up staying the night and enjoyed her sweet southern hospitality before heading back to DC bright and early in the morning. Another fun game I like to play guess this cup size. I correctly guessed her cup size, a perky 36DD. The cleavage was totally popping in the tightly fitting tank top that she was wearing when I came over to her house so it wasn’t a difficult guess. She was amazed at my talent and said I was like a “12 year old boy” in my enthusiasm for them. I said “well when you have as much experience with breasts as I do … Smile I would I also went through my language pattern where I create two parts of attraction, the best of the good guy and the bad boy and then combine them together, more detail on that in the next LR writeup from Public last Wednesday.

Key points and lessons learned:

I calibrated down the cocky funny approach to a more kind and gentle approach once I realized that she was already attracted to me, wasn’t giving any shit and seemed to have kind of low self esteem and I got the intuition that she was not used to guys treating her well. Part of the reason I could be kind and gentle yet still escalate the iunteraction into an SNL was because of the travelers frame, that is since I’m only in town now, it’s now or never. This eliminated any resistance because she might want to put me on the relationship track without my having to use lots of challenges or false disqualifiers. You can get away with being “nice” as long as it comes from the frame of her being attracted to you and you being scarce.

Next time I am in Charlotte at least I’ll have a nice place to stay with a friendly big titted blonde Carolina girl Smile

LR Sat 7/18/09 – Tall Brunette feminist volleyball player

On Saturday night I went out in Adams Morgan for the infield portion of my weekend seminar after leading day 1 of my 2 day seminar where I described and then demonstrated some of the various techniques on a female friend of mine. The tentative plan was for our group to meet on the rooftop of Reef, so I got there around 10:00ish before the peak crowds arrived. I was leaning against the bar just sitting back working some non-verbal rapport around the room when I caught eye contact from HB tall brunette as she turned around and looked over her shoulder. Ah, ha got her. I waited a few minutes and then wandered over there.

I opened by acting like I knew her. "Hey! How are you, wow it’s been a long time, how have you been doing?" She and her friend looked like they were trying to figure out how they knew me. She asked how we knew each other and I said high school. She asked where I was from, I’m from Florida she’s originally from North Carolina. I ignored this minor difference in geography and kept going.

I asked her if she had seen any of my friends that I was looking for, many of which had been around for a seminar. From there I went into my main routine stack of seminar speaker/ sexual DHV stories. She asked me what I did and I told her I was becoming a teacher of communication skills to men who are developing their ability to communicate more powerfully with women and to learn sexual techniques to hone their talent as incredible lovers. “It’s about becoming the kind of guy that naturally understands women, the kind of guy you can really connect with (self point) and be attracted to (touch anchor on her shoulder) Then stacked onto the Instantaneous Connection pattern light, skewed more toward rapport and pacing.

Then I launched into the ex stories, which is starting to turn into a DHV routine and theme to launch patterns. I told her about how I met my redhead ex girlfriend at Brass Monkey and pulled her hair and smacked her ass. I told her about the seminar in Las Vegas in January and how the ex had a lap dance with two strippers while I flipped a remote controlled vibrator on and off. How we had sex in front of a crowd at Dark Odyssey, and more. HB tall brunette appeared shocked, oh my god, you’re so sexual. “Do you tell all the women you meet about this stuff?”

I said yeah, pretty much, it’s just part of who I am, I don’t see any reason in hiding it or trying to go out of my way to act polite and appropriate. It’s more fun for me to test and see how much a woman can take. I’d rather scare someone off right away than have them linger here in meaningless small talk thinking I’m someone else. And, honestly after just getting out of relationship I don’t give a damn anymore, the last one will be a tough act to follow, and it’s good being single.

She appeared shocked once again, but said ok, I guess that makes good sense. She was a redhead too? Wow, that’s hot, it must have been intense! My last boyfriend was a ginger like you, those gingers … She paused a little. I can’t belief this, you’re so confident. I’ve never met any guy who talks like this.

I said so what do you make of it? You seem pretty comfortable. She had open body language, and her arms were down at her side.

She said yeah, I don’t feel uncomfortable but you are so different than any guy I’ve ever met before, I’m trying to get used to this. You’re so sexual, but I feel comfortable around you too, this is weird, Who are you? I gave her another touch anchor, ah isn’t it great when you can meet someone who is very sexual (gesture with right hand palm up), and that you can feel comfortable with (gesture with left hand) in the same person (both hands point to self).

At some point, Mad Maverick came into the picture and engaged the friend, it looked like things were going very smoothly so I just kept going. HB brunette’s phone number pulled out her phone and noticed that her battery was dying. I told her that she should get my phone number before the phone died. So I pulled out my phone and dialed her number. Then we went back to talking.

From there we got onto talking about jobs and where we were from and such. She is a woman’s studies major interning at a feminist lobbying organization for the summer before her final semester of college. I teased her for being younger than my little sister. Also might work a peace corp-like job in Africa that would involve extensive travel. She is 5”11, Venezuelan decent, straight Spanish ethnic heritage, nice ass, perky average-sized breasts in a loose top that did not show them off. She asked about my background (Irish and Germanic) her face lit up as sh said oh, you’re a “ginger” with my reddish hair, apparently her ex was also a “ginger” too, so I’m her physical type.

I told her I knew several women who could be described as feminists including some of my longest time girlfriends. I talked about how it was great how most feminists were now pro-sex feminists as opposed to the ones a generation ago.

She agreed, yeah feminism is pretty much all pro-sex now. I spun into a pattern about isn’t it great how women can now be empowered in their sexuality to choose what they really want to do (self point), for reasons that are no one else’s business except her own. She nodded.

I said and that is the type of thing that guys like myself have learned and are discussing with each other, how to get laid in a way where we understand that women can come from a place of sexual empowerment. You see I think many guys (gesture away) think that women always are looking for a committed relationship or a guy that might want to marry. But my recent experience from my former girlfriend is that women, especially when they are right at this age, just graduating from college and maybe a year or two after college are not necessarily looking for Mr. Right, they want to do things before they settle down and have a family. However that doesn’t mean a woman doesn’t have needs, and doesn’t want to be with a guy that understands where they are at in life and can give them a really good fucking (self point, and fired off anchor on her arm again).

I got a shocked look from her again, you’re so sexual, I don’t believe this (with a smile) … Wow, it sounds like you really understand women.
What can I say, I’ve have my share of experience.
Oh, my god, (playful punch) there you go again, you’re so sexual, everything about you is sexual. How many women have you been with? I shrugged. She said I’ve only been with 5 guys ever, and two of them were relationships that lasted longer than 1 year… That lead to some more conversation.

I responded: there has to be another option out there between serious relationship and one night stands for the woman who doesn’t want to be tied down in a relationship but still wants to get some. That is what enlightened men are starting to realize, we’re out there. I like to call it my friends plus plan, you should apply you would be a great candidate :)

At this point I was getting a little restless and wanted to get a drink so I left and said I’d be back with shots. The women drifted around and then at some point Faz engaged them and had both of them for about 5 – 10 minutes or so. Then I came in and re engaged them and went back to the brunette. I went back into the sexual cocky funny routine, laced with some pre suppositions. When we do it we’ll have a great time (I nodded). And you don’t have to imagine what it will be like as you feel my thick cock sliding deep inside you ...”

At some point HB brunette wanted to do another shot, I said ok, this time it’s your turn to get drinks for us as I gestured toward Faz and her friend. She agreed and went to the bar with her friend while Faz and I stole their seats and talked, things were going very well for him. When they came back we kept their seats. Faz’s girl ended up sitting in his lap while HB brunette ended up facing me between my legs while I firmly held her waist and we made out a little bit. She wasn’t going at it with the same level of enthusiasm as her friend, so I teased her you’re such a delicate kisser, it’s cute. She said that she didn’t want to be too crazy in front of the whole bar (and possibly her friend who was right next to her). I worked my way down her neck and to the back of the neck, pulled her hair a little. Then I gave her ass a playful smack, once again she said you are so sexual.

HB Brunette said you seem like you could have any woman you wanted, why did you pick me? I told her she looked over her shoulder and gave me eye contact so I started talking to her. She said that she looked over because she could feel me looking at her (the non-verbal rapport worked even though she wasn’t even looking at me). I shrugged and said, I guess it was your lucky day then . She also said she felt kind of intimidated, how can I keep up with you, you have all of this experience. Well you’d like to learn, right? Let’s just relax and be comfortable and you can learn a few things to take back to college with you.

At some point my female friend that was at the seminar on Saturday stopped by and we briefly chatted. She was going to Madams Organ, I thought about bouncing our two set over there to meet her. Then HB Brunette got a text message about a party in Rosslyn. I tried to arrange the logistics, I knew the girl I was with was probably DTF and it looked like things were going pretty well for Faz and his girl. I told her that we could drive them there, she could come with me and her friend could go with Faz. She nixed this idea, so then I said the two of them could go with him and I’d meet them there. She nixed that idea too, I don’t know if she wants to go with him, (while her friend was sucking face with Faz like she was giving her CPR). I was about to call out the bizarre irony, and about how she was deflecting this situation onto her friend because she didn’t want to look like a slut in front of her, but I kept my mouth shut. She then said to call her later about 2:30. At that point they left and Faz and I went back out looking for the other guys. The girl Faz was talking to gave her phone number before he could ask.

Epilogue and getting laid
After lingering on the Adams Morgan strip for a little while longer, I called her at 2:30, went straight to voicemail, her phone battery must have finally died or she was underground on the metro. She tried to call me back around 3:30 but I was passed out asleep after a long day a. I called the next day to invite her to the seminar and lots of talking, we exchanged text messages and then talked Monday night to arrange a meeting for last night. She

drove over to my house totally DTF and she pretty much jumped me, but she couldn’t stay the night since she “had to get up early and couldn’t stay the night because she had to give her roommate a ride to the metro."

Lessons learned:
  • If you set a challenging frame high value frame where you are qualifying her, you can be totally inappropriate and use stories of sex with other women as DHV stories and opportunities to introduce ideas and embed commands at will.
  • If you set a very obviously sexual frame from the beginning you can eliminate the possibility of any last minute resistance and she will f close you.
  • You can be very sexual while still controlling the frame of the interaction with her if you own your sexuality as part of your identity and she is convinced that you are someone she could learn from and would have a great experience with.
  • Two set logistics can be tough, but if focus on developing a powerful attraction/ connection and seed the sexual interaction between you two will propose a solution i.e. call me after I get back from the bar with my friends and tuck them into bed., or I’ll stop by your house sometime.
  • When a woman is talking about what she thinks her friend thinks, it usually has more to do with her own agenda.
In this case I don’t know all that was going on with Faz and his girl but there appeared to be a high amount of rapport and romantic/ physical attraction. I think my girl just didn’t want to look like a slut and wanted to find a way to isolate with me without her friend and roommate knowing about it. The only way to do that would be to go home with her roommate and then sneak out, which she would have done if she hadn’t called back to find that I was already asleep.

LR: HB Strawberry Blonde 0618 - 062409

LR Thursday June 18 – the tall strawberry blonde

I was out with Dare and Horizon at Guarapo with the intention of checking out a meetup event upstairs and then a fundraiser at 18th ST lounge. After some drinks appetizers and good conversation to get into state we headed up to check out the scene and good general conversation. There was a about a 2 to 1 guy to girl ratio, but there was a steady flow of unattached women coming from the ladies room, so I wandered over that way and posted up along the traffic pattern. After some brief conversations with a few women that walked by I hooked one at about 9:30. She was a tall strawberry blonde with a big beautiful smile and a warm friendly vibe.

I opened by assuming rapport “hey, how are you” as if I already knew her. She is 5’11 strawberry blonde with a big beautiful smile and a very comfortable chill vibe about her. Without any prompting she said she knew me from somewhere, perhaps she had seen me at kickball or something, but I didn’t remember meeting her. Since it seemed pretty obvious she was already attracted to me I teased her back,
Me: “wait a moment we didn’t …“
Her: “what” she said.
Me: “I was going to say something but it would be so inappropriate a nice innocent girl like you would run away horribly offended.”
Her: Oh yea try me, it’s pretty hard to offend me.
Me: Ok I was going to say we must have hooked up,
Her: No, you would have remembered it,
Me: “Oh, so beneath that innocent look you’re a naughty girl then.” I stroked her hair down to her neck as I leaned in toward her.
Her: and I would have remembered you.”
Me: Mmm, why thank you my dear and held her hips with both of my hands (The mmm and hands on hips were anchors), and I think you are … 34C
Her: Yes, very good
Me: Thank you I’ve had lots of practice guessing cup sizes
She laughed again.
Then I went into a piece of a language pattern: Isn’t it interesting (weasel phrase) how you can sometimes feel that instantaneous connection (embedded command) with someone even if you can’t remember where you met them before but somehow already know them …, you know that feeling right there (solar plexus point on her) now, with me …, (self point) I find that it amazing how it can just happen just like that, (snap my fingers). She nodded along and smiled again.

I told her she was fun in addition to having a beautiful smile, and that she was passing my tests quite nicely so far. I told her as I see it the worst thing in the world would be to go home with someone and then discover that she is boring and bad in bed. She agreed. She inquired about the broken heart and I said yeah she moved away to tour the country as a model for a year but had some great adventures before that then I started describing how I met and seduced my ex (see hb redhead LR from about 2 months ago).

She said wow you are good, you cook and take a girl home in the morning? Well it means more rounds of sex and besides if it’s good you always want to come back for seconds. I call it my standard sex + plan. “So what do you like on your omelet?” She laughed and said whoa I can’t tell you that yet.”

I then described more adventures the mountain ledge, lap dances and the remote controlled vibrator at the Vegas strip club and fucking in front of a crowd at the Dark Odyssey sex conference. Yeah, it was great but its over now and she was kind of crazy too. She seemed quite intrigued, turned on, amused and confused at the same time.
Wow! “Yeah I know way too much info, totally inappropriate for someone I just met, but as you can tell I’m an open book and don’t think I’m ready to be back out picking up women so thank you for indulging me and listening. So now I am mending a broken heart, but at least now I know I have one.” I said this in a silly playful way, putting my hand over my heart and tilting my head in such a way as to put on a mock puppy dog look. She said “something tells me you will be just fine.”

“So now I analyze handwriting for every woman I meet just to make sure they’re not too crazy.” She obliged by writing a sentence or two for me. Its turns out hb Strawberry Blonde (HBSB) she has high sex drive, directness, honesty, creative methodical thinking, balanced emotional outlay ambivert and high self-esteem. I pointed that out to her and said “you just passed another test, very good.”

From there Dare came along and said he and Horizon were about to head to 18th ST lounge. She told me she needed to talk to her friend. He was a big guy but was clearly just a friend and had not tried to interfere the whole time I was obviously hitting on HBSB. It turns out he had to go home early but she wanted to go with us. I walked her across the street arm with cars coming and she looked a little nervous, so I twirled her around so I was on the outside facing the oncoming cars. “Ah, you are such the gentleman J walker …”

In the car she asked me, so are you over your nympho ex gf?
I said yeah, I’m getting there, but I’m not going to rush into anything. I’ve made some new rules, no women under 25 even for hookups.
She laughed and said, “well I’m over 25.”
Great! Things are looking increasingly good for you. You’ve passed the crazy test and the age test and the smile test.
She laughed again.

At 18th ST lounge we get drinks and talk even more. She appeared to be in a sustained trance almost the whole time, the perfect doggy dinner bowl look. I had her in my gold bubble, later changing it farther and farther into red. I noticed she maintained very high levels of eye contact just like I do, and I felt a very calm comfortable vibe with her. I told her I feel very comfortable around you, you have this great energy. She said felt the same way from the moment she met me. I leaned in a little and tilted my head about 45 degrees and she leaned in to match me. After about 30 seconds of kissing I lightly pulled her hair and then moved to kiss her neck, moving to the nape of her neck and then back to kissing while firmly holding her hips. I told her that we need a hard surface and led her by the hand to the wall and more making out ensued while grinding my right upper leg against her. She said people are staring at us. I turned around and saw at least half a dozen women looking in our direction from various parts of the room. I said let’s find a dark corner. We headed toward the couches between the main bar area and the outdoor deck.

On the way there I recognized a girl who once had a crush on me but that I never had hooked up with and introduced them. As we walked away I explained how I knew her to HBSB and she said that the other girl looked disappointed. “Yeah, I know. But what can I do?” I shrugged and halfway gestured around the room at all of the other women, some of whom had been looking in my direction. HBSB said “you certainly don’t have a problem with confidence.” I leaned in and
A couple got up just in time to give us their spot.

On the couches I started talking about how I had recently seen the Phantom of the Opera movie years after seeing the musical as a kid and rowing up listening to the soundtrack because my mom was almost obsessed with it. HBSB told me she had just gotten the movie as a gift the other day but not seen it yet. I then told her a little about the plot and about the competition between Raoul and the Phantom and spun a language pattern off of it. On the one hand (holding out right hand) you have a guy who is Mr. Perfect, childhood sweet heart, rich, handsome, smooth, everyone likes him and then on the other hand you have the Phantom with the disfigured face but with a completely entrancing voice and obsessively dark seductive intensity, but then he is also a murderer. She laughed a little, he’s a murderer, oh yeah the object of his affections found this to be a mild turnoff. I said of the two characters I know that I am mostly like Raoul, the guy you could take home to mom who would be Mr. Perfect, but like to think that I can channel the dark seductive intensity of the phantom or his amazing voice. So I was thinking wouldn’t it be great if you could take these two sides, (while holding out my left hand and right hand) and find them in one man, (both hands self point to my upper chest)?

It was now 11:00 but I felt like going. I said let’s go watch the movie. She said that her roommate had company at her house. So I said let’s go to my house instead. With that we left in my car and headed out toward Virginia to pickup her car and head to my house. Then I told her about my adventure on Roosevelt Island and we made a detour there as well. This time cops did not show and almost arrest us, like the last time I went out there in the middle of the night. So we made out on the island for a little while and then headed back to get her car and head to my house.

Then we went back to my house and great fun ensued. Unfortunately it was not a good time of the month for her but she pushed me down on the bed and gave me a very good blowjob with promises of more to come. Then we met up again last night and spontaneously went on a charity boat cruise that left from the Alexandria waterfront and headed back to my house for a nice way to end an evening Smile. So far so good, I think she’s got potential to be part of my rotation now that I am getting back in the swing of things again.

LR 9/28/08 - HB Redhead who turned into LTR

LR 9/28/08 - HB Redhead who turned into LTR
By popular request I am finally posting this field report from September 2008 which ended up turning into an LTR for 6 months and led to me being mostly MIA from the field and the metroDCPUA forum while I was seeing her. Here is the story

I started out the day at Fearless apartment where he and Dare had been putting on a workshop for a few members of the underground. I came in a little late and did a demo for some NLP style language patterns for comfort building and sexual escalation. I hung out with a group a Chi Cha Lounge for most of the night, props to Dare for handing the staff who tried to move us into a shitty table – we ended up with 2 tables and a free hookah after he spoke with the owner. I got about 4-5 phone numbers and generally had fun but nothing was really clicking at the level I would like. By about 2 am Chi Cha was closing down and only Fearless and I were left. We left and I considered going home because in my by that time of the night most women that are going to hook up are either gone or pretty much locked in by another guy. I’m usually taking women home by 12:30 – 1:00, sometimes sooner.

I didn’t feel like going home so I ended up going to Brass Monkey alone instead. I’ve always preferred more dive-like places where the drinks are cheaper and the atmosphere is more casual. I was in a great laid-back frame of mind, calm with no expectations, mostly sober.

As I walked in I locked eye contact with a decently cute girl with her friend that was walking out. I kept eye contact and she kept looking as she walked to the door and then stopped and turned and stared at me. She started walking back toward me while towing her friend and within a moment we were standing face to face and I just leaned in and starting making out with her. That lasted a few minutes but I was only slightly interested in her and her friend was ready to pull her away within a few minutes. I just laughed a little as her friend dragged her out the door and I turned to make a sweep through the bar.

My focus was to look for lingering eye contact that indicated a high amount of initial attraction based on appearance and how I was carrying myself. Then if I got that from a girl I was interested in I was going to mirror her facial expressions, assume rapport with a high value open as if we already know each other.

I didn’t see anything interesting on the first floor, so I went up to the second floor. As soon as I got to the top of the stairs on the 2nd floor I noticed immediately noticed a cluster of women wearing brightly colored outfits, including a curvy blonde and a tall redhead. What the hell was this? I noticed the blonde first but then there was something about the redhead. She had a tall statuesque figure and wore a bright pink dress with bright yellow tights and equally bright yellow beads around her neck. Her hair was a reddish auburn color with big frizzy curls like 80s hair and she wore black lacy gloves on her hands. The outfit wasn’t really quite flattering but it was obvious to me that she was pretty cute and I felt a very strong sexual vibe. Clearly this woman was fun with an ironic sense of humor.

I locked eye contact with HB redhead, mirroring her facial expression and squinting my eyes a little with an evil smile. An almost predatory voice inside my head said “mmm, she’s mine,” and I felt a calm yet excited feeling of certainty and inevitability. Since our eyes had already said hello, I moved in close and casually said “hi” as if we already knew each other while touching her arm. She returned the favor with an almost ironically throaty “hello” seductively tilting her head down while gazing up at me. I slightly mirrored what she did and we started talking. Game on!

As we spoke I made sure to maintain good posture and keep my body, especially my shoulders and face, relaxed. I could feel tension continuing to build, all sub communication. She said I looked like a hotter version of Conan O’Brian :) Since I had rapport I used the eye contact to communicate my own state as I ramped it up, first to pace her reality and then to lead it higher. A powerful sensuality pored from her, and I knew that I was dealing with an extremely sexual woman. So I knew I could really pore on the sexual escalation without restraint.

She noticed the Bacardi blinking button, which worked like a charm once again to spark some conversation. She had been a promotional model too and was here with her friends on a going away party, since she was leaving in about 2 weeks. That’s why they were all dressed up in 80s clothes for what she called “80s prom night.” She had already moved out of her apartment and had been staying with a friend in Adams Morgan. Ah, this would be too perfect!

Within a few moments of talk I leaned in to kiss her. Her body buckled and as she powerfully responded I kept amping up the aggression. After less than 30 seconds of kissing lips and mouth I moved to her neck biting and nibbling my way to the back of her neck, taking care to hit one erogenous zone after the other. I grabbed her hair, pulling it just hard enough to send a tinge of electric sensations shooting through her body and make her head move and then maintained it at that level, intense but not quite painful. I firmly grabbed onto her waist pulling her up against my leg so that it was firmly pressing against her pussy, while she grabbed onto my neck and arm for balance.

As we began to get even more turned on I roughly pushed her back against the brick wall, taking care to put my hand behind her head so it didn’t slam into the wall. We continued to make out and I kissed her nipples right through her dress. A flash went off as one of her friends took a picture with her camera of the spectacle that was unfolding right in the middle of the bar. I fed off her sexual energy, feeding it back to amplify it as my own state kept going. I was grinding hard against her tight pussy to a sexual rhythm, basically dry humping against the wall. I knew she was mine to take as I crushed her up against the wall. He eyes had this hazy defocused look on them, she was totally gone, as if entranced by the experience (and a little intoxicated too).

I pulled back for a moment, to tease, to fractionate and allow things to cool slightly so that I could come back a moment later and bring things even higher. I tried to think of what to do next, talk a little, make out some more? I realized that there really wasn’t anything left for me to do. I had an evil grin on my face. “No, please, you’re just a tease,” she said. I responded “Oh yeah, is that what you think?” I looked straight into her eyes roughly crushed her up against the wall again, firmly kissing her mouth, pulling her hair harder this time and grinding into her pussy as all of those feelings instantly ramped up even higher than they had been moments before. At this point I realized this was and had been a done deal, and I thought that I could probably say anything and she would come with me.

I pulled back and said in a very low key casual voice, I’m hungry, let’s grab a slice of pizza, head back to my place and I’ll cook you breakfast in the morning, salmon and goat cheese omelet. She paused for just a moment, while it sunk in that this was my move to get her home with me. Ok, um you want to go now? Yes, now. Ok, let me get my purse and my camera back from my friend and we’ll go. After a very brief exchange with her friend the lights started coming on upstairs and we left. We passed Caveman and Horizon on the way out of Brass Monkey.

As we were walking down 18th ST, there was some brief dialogue
Her: “ok mister I don’t know what you have planned between now and cooking me breakfast in the morning, (smile) but we need to stop by a drug store to pick up some Polyurethane condoms, most guys don’t keep those around.”
Me: “Oh yeah, latex allergy?”
Her: “Let’s just say I very strongly prefer them.
Me: Ok.
Her: Also I need to be able to get back to meet up with my friends by 11:00 tomorrow.
Me: Ok, no problem.

With that we walked down the hill, got some pizza and then got in the car to head back to my place in Virginia.

At some point she asked me what I do and I said "various things although I’m looking to teach guys how to get laid." I said I believe there is a way to teach men how to be strong and very sexual while not being an asshole. I explained my philosophy about how people were way too judgmental and that society in too harshly judgmental of women and sex. I said I don’t judge people based on their sexual behavior, it’s just part of who they are. Around that time some random guy called for the first of several times. Her ring tone was set to Metallica’s Sandman for any guy callers. She hit ignore. We stopped by CVS just down the street from my house and I had a huge shit eating grin on my face as I passed a box of condoms to the check out clerk.

We went back to my place to eat the pizza slices we picked up in Adams Morgan. In the kitchen I pinned her against the stove and made out with her while the pizza was reheating in the microwave. When it was time to take them out I pulled back and said, ah time for food. “You tease, she said with a playful twinkle.” We ate and then went into my bedroom where I threw her down on the bed and we went at it. She was a complete animal, I’ve never seen a woman that powerfully sexual before. The poor chump kept calling and calling, so in the middle of fucking her I kept hearing the Sandman ring tone.

After round 1 of the best sex I think I had ever had up to this point in my life, where she came very powerfully, she explained the phone ringing by saying that she had given her number out to some other guy earlier in the night. You’d think he’d get the hint if I’m not picking up after like 5 times. I wonder if it really was the same guy or maybe even more than 1, but she was definitely looking to hook up that night. While we were talking naked on my bed she said something which would turn out to be really profound. After all of this, can we be friends? Sure, I said as long as we can keep fucking like this. Oh yeah, of course, its just I would not have expected to meet a guy I would want to get to know this way. You’re really smart, and nice in addition to being really hot. Also normally I have to initiate thing in the bar. This is weird, guys aren’t hot and nice and aggressive like this. I shrugged and said “well that’s me, I guess this is your lucky night.”

I asked what she said to her friend in that brief conversation right before we left the bar. She said I told my friend “that this hot guy went totally alpha on me and I would see her tomorrow.” “Normally I have to initiate things, but you just went totally alpha on me and that was all it took.” Nice, I smiled. And then we went at it again. I cooked her breakfast in the morning and got her phone number right before dropping her off at her friend’s place.

Over the next couple months we had many adventures:

She was a pivot a couple times and did a demo with me for a group of guys from the forum
We had sex in the public park across the street from my house
On an overlook on skyline drive, as we enacted one of my erotic stories I had recently sent her
In Vegas while at a conference
At the strip club I repeatedly activated the remote control vibrating egg while she was getting lap dances from strippers
Orgasm from voice commands
I gave her an extended orgasm for over 30 minutes using Sleepnosis, hypnotic induction while she was sleeping
At the Dark Odyssey convention
She gave me head right in the middle of an empty seminar room after we attending a class by porn star Penny Flame called “How to suck cock like a pro” Then we had sex on a swing in front of a crowd in the “sexorama room”

Here are a few text messages that I saved that illustrate how things (rapidly) progressed.
Notice some NLP language constructs like presuppositions, single binds, double binds etc that I used to further amplify the sexual dirty talk.

Wed 10/1
Me: 9:10 PM Smile

Her: “You drive me crazy Tongue

Me: 9:31 PM Why thank you my dear, and here is some more text art while I sit here in this seminar 8==> (my text emoticon for balls and penis)

Her: 9:31 PM Haha, what seminar? I read your story and now I feel like a horndog nymphomaniac.

Me: 9:50 PM At this psychology seminar, Mmm its too bad we can’t meet up
tomorrow night …

Her: 10:03 pm You just want to tease me. I’ve got plans for the debates but otherwise …

Me: 11:10 pm… otherwise

Her: 11:23 pm … Fuckfest

Me: Sounds good Wink 11:36 pm

Thurs 10/02
Her: 2:03 PM Got your email. I’ve always really enjoyed stories about bdsm best, followed by group sex and anal. How are we working tonight? Can you pick me up at the metro?

Fri 10/03
Me: 11:08 am Just the thought of you is making my cock really hard

Her: 12:20 pm I would give anything to be lying in your arms with your cock buried deep in my soaking wet pussy.

Me: 1:37 pm The warmth of my firm embrace envelopes you as you feel the fullness of my cock deep inside your tight pussy, and you notice that each ripple of pleasure is heightened

Her: 2:16 pm God I want you so badly! As soon as I see you I’m going to pounce on you. You’re making me absolutely wild!

Her: 4:06 pm Oh man, my work is finished and my contract is up! I am officially free!

Mon 10/06
Me: 5:32 pm Wink 8==>

Her: 5:45 pm Last night I had a vivid dream of your strong arms holding me down while you thrust thick cock in me over and over until I was screaming and writhing under you.

Me: 5:51 pm I suppose we could make that vivid dream a reality tonight …

Her: 5:53 pm Unfortunately I cant, I’m still in Laurel tonight. I’ll have to settle with dreams again tonight. I just cant get you out of my head Wink

Me: 6:09 pm Well then, as you dream tonight imagine what it will be like as my cock is thrusting deep inside your tight wet pussy tomorrow night or Wed until …

(Some more chat during the Vice Presidential debate)

Her: 10:15 And what led you from politics to sexpert … Besides your thick dick?

Me: 10:23 Sex, Seduction, Politics they’re not that different … Bill Clinton was such a pimp!

Her: 10:30 I think the sexiest thing about you is how smart you are.
Maybe I’m too Washington. Its not to knock your body, which I think is way hot Smile

Me: 1:44 pm Mmm, I’m horny just thinking about you right now.

Her: 2:58 pm I’m thinking of how cut your abs are among other things.
If you parted my pussy lips and slid your fingers in they would be soaked because I want you so badly.

Her: 8:36 am I hope you weren’t late for work! Have a great day because you’re a great person and you deserve it!

Me: 8:49 am Aw, thank you, and no problem being late. Have fun with your travels and in New York! You’re a truly beautiful person through and through and I love you!

Her: 8:59 am I love you too! What an incredible two weeks this has been. I feel so giddy. You are handsome and smart, too good to be true – but you are!

Me: 12:14 pm Smile aw thank you ditto on the sentiment. I didn’t know the possibility of you existed. But then again I had not yet met you.

her 5:41 PM 11/09/08: I love you so much! I miss you already.
Thanks for the wonderful weekend! I cant wait to see you again!

me 11/09/08 6:16 pm: I love you too, talk to you soon Smile

her 10:23 PM: I love you so much! You are a wonderful presence in my life!

me 10:39 pm: Thank you I love you too! Miss you

her 10:41 pm: I miss you too. Youre just such a wonderful influence on me. I feel like im growing when im with you.

her 8:47 pm: I love you so much! You are the best lay, best cook and best man I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet!
me 9:46 pm: Wow, why thank you! I love you too!
her 10:53 pm: I cant stop thinking of you and smiling. I love you and can’t wait to see you again!

me 11/24 9:53 pm: Btw my abs are sore from the other day Smile
her 11/25 12:26 am: I bet you abs aren’t as sore as my inner thighs.
:-P . I love you tons and I cant wait to fuck you again!

her 12/02 4:40 pm: I just had a vivid dream about bringing a hot chick to you and having a way kinky 3some. Now my pussy is absolutely soaked.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Biggest mistakes you can make once in a relationship

Biggest Mistakes once in a relationship:

Not staying sexy …
Don’t quit your game, approach and meet women all the time. By continuing to flirt respectfully you keep up your edge and sexiness.

Not keeping the abundance mentality.
By continuing to go out and flirt respectfully it helps keep you from becoming too needy and believing that you have only one option. It also keeps your partner on her toes because she knows that if she slips up then she could lose you. Keeping the abundance mentality is also important because as you evolve and develop as a person your interests could change.

Becoming too comfortable and lazy.
Don’t get complacent or stop doing the things that initially generated attraction in your woman. This includes being unpredictable at times.

Not integrating skills and a lifestyle
Over time your lifestyle is going to be important to the ongoing relationship. It keeps things fresh and interesting. It’s part of your social value to her.

Magnify Inner Game while in a relationship
Use this as an opportunity to continue to build yourself up.

Becoming over idealistic, over awed by the woman you are with.
Another problem that can occur is to fall in love with falling in love. Or lose control of your actions by following your emotions. While someone may be great, allowing yourself to lose too much control will end up leading you down a dangerous path where you lose control of the relationship as well as her respect and your own self-respect. This includes failing her tests of

Continuing to flirt with other women, is very important and I think it helps preempt many frame tests. Her feeling like she has to work for it and compete with you is also very important because it re validates her choice to herself. The trick is finding the balance in a relationship between continuing to apply the principles that you used to pick her up while enjoying the emotional ride because it feels good. You must find a balance between logically knowing what you need to do in spite of good emotions.

The problem is that going for the emotional ride is nice, giving up a degree of control can be nice. The slippery slope is that she may appear to reward your compliance or nice things that you do for her, while she simultaneously still wants to be challenged and feel like she has to work to get you. Too much compliance or "nice" from you results in a test even if she appeared to reward it at the time.

You can’t completely surrender to the emotional ride while maintaining control of the frame at the same time, you need to continue to think logically and act in spite of intense emotions and feelings. At the same time I think really part of being in a relationship is having the confidence that even when you lose some control you know you can get it back again. That is what the roller coaster is, the give and take. Sometimes you’re the one chasing, other times you are the one being chased.

One thing I've realized, basic principles that are necessary for generating attraction need to continue during the relationship to keep her attracted and retain the power and the challenge aspect to her. You also need to pro actively do this even when it appears a woman is totally into you and is not giving you any tests. As soon as she somehow feels she might have the upper hand i.e. you've weakened, she's strengthened or it's the same and she wants to reverify the status quo. Frame control tests keep going all throughout a relationship as a struggle to see who has the upper hand. The best way to deal with them is to never lose the frame in the first place, retain your power by being social and continuing to do things that make you socially valuable independent of her.

One mistake that you can make is to abandon the concept of the frame, of who has more power, dominance etc. It is easy to get swept away by all of the good feelings awed by a woman. However you must still maintain control and not allow yourself to be pussy whipped or come to be dependent on her validation and approval. I started to feel good about doing “nice” things for her because she kept rewarding me by acting appreciative and thanking me. I assumed that this meant there would not be any need for me to continue to be a challenge as much as long as she was constantly qualifying herself to me.

But this can be a trap as even though women want an alpha male, they will try to turn him into a beta male. Once he turns beta and is under their control they start to lose attraction to him. Once you start to fail her tests it is a slippery slope downward. I think this is yet another reason why any longer term relationship always has conflict at least some of the time.

It is in losing yourself to the good feelings and chasing them you become the Nice Guy or rather the "Sappy Guy". Beware doing too many things that are “nice” as it may be perceived as an attempt to buy her affection with your money or efforts. This is why Nice Guys are seen as incredibly weak by women and men. And this is why Nice Guys are still seen as "children" even if they have grown male bodies.

Can we be 'over-awed' on other things and create a type of 'unhealthy Nice Guy addiction'? Certainly! The intense feelings of sex can over-awe people and have people literally worshipping copulation itself (and lose total control of themselves to it). In a phrase: Pussy whipped. Likewise, the intense feelings of alcohol, drugs, and even food also can 'over-awe' people and keep them addicted to this 'awed' state.

The worst culprit is the modern notion of "love" that is seen as something you submit to, something to "over-awe" you. This definition of "love" keeps the Nice Guy in a state of continued cycle no matter how many times he gets burned. Does this mean one cannot be 'awed' by a woman? You fall in and out of awe over the course of any long relationship. But you certainly don't 'submit' to this awe. Nice Guys see themselves as Romantics. Vain women see the Nice Guy as submitting to their WONDERFUL selves (which every woman thinks herself wonderful). The truth is in the middle. Nice Guys are submitting to their misplaced awe (usually placed upon some hard to obtain woman).

Don't let feelings of awe have you lose control of yourself. And certainly, never submit to it.

Monday, August 10, 2009

There's no such thing - human emotions happen with a structure and form

There’s no such thing. Love, lust and all human emotions are processes

Important concept from NLP all human emotions are processes . Almost Zen like concept, people are dynamic with ongoing processes and dynamics.

Emotions have a structure, order, flow. This is why things can be one way and then people change. The relationships can be really great but then things change because people are dynamic

How do women create emotions? Internal representations
Visual – what she sees in her mind
Auditory dialogue – what she says to herself
Auditory spoken – what she says out loud
Flow of internal sensations – physical and emotional

Seduction is like a recipe
- right ingredients
- actions
- proper sequence
- proper proportions

Key questions:
- What emotional states do I want attractive women to experience with me?
- If the only emotions she experience around you are casual comfort and enjoyment, you wind up being her friend.
- If she only experiences lust, arousal, desire, she may scare herself out of the seduction.
- Need balance

To get different results ask yourself different questions
- Einstein theory of relativity

Chumps vs. Champs
- Chumps dating frame
How can I get her to like me?
- Chumps questions assume
Focus on behavior vs. emotions
That a “date” is the best (or only) method to find a suitable sex partner
That he must be the “supplicant” and seek her favor, try to win her over, outcome is largely a matter of chance “get lucky”
Dating frame was never designed for you to win

Having true choice involves captures and leading her imagination and emotions
Using your words and your communication

Dating can actually get in the way of her sleeping with you.
That is because she has a check list of social and other qualities she is going to check against.

It’s never about where you take her or what you spend
It’s about how you use your language (and what you get her talking about) to capture and lead her imagination and emotions.

Anything that happens outside of someone’s conscious awareness has a very hypnotic effect and it is not resisted. When you trigger these processes to trigger her attraction processes it happens outside of her conscious awareness

Self esteem and conditions for romantic love

This is especially important if you want a longer term relationship, however it can also be key in the short term as well. That is another reason why it is important to know what you want in a woman and then know how to identify it.

If you are looking for a one night stand or short term fling then finding a woman with a healthy sex drive and a fun personality might be all you really need.

If you are looking for a longer-term relationship then there are many personality traits to identify.

David Shade identifies several different characteristics for a woman who would make for a great long-term partner with whom to explore sexuality:
1. High Self-esteem
2. Intelligence
3. Strong Sex drive? (not in written notes)

According to romance psychologist Nathaniel Branden there are several key factors necessary for romantic love. Among the most important factors is high self-esteem. In 1969 Mr. Branden briefly defined self-esteem as a combination of self-efficacy and self-respect in his words "...the experience of being competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and being worthy of happiness".

Romantic love briefly defined for this book is an emotional response to what we value highly. Branden’s definition: the passionate emotional, sexual and spiritual attachment regarding the value of each other’s person OR love is our emotional response to that which we value highly.

To admire
To feel visible
Self discovery
Sexual fulfillment
Fully experience oneself as a man or a woman

To be able to have romantic love in a long term relationship we are able to fully experience being a man or a woman. It is through this that we can fully experience being a man or a woman. Mr. Branden also identifies several other conditions for romantic love including:
That each partner needs to be able to accept themselves, aloneness, be happy being alone.
The partners need to come from similar social backgrounds
There needs to be mutual visibility, in that you need to be able to show yourself and be transparent in who you are as a person
Self love – is necessary to receive love
“Happiness anxiety” - if you don’t believe you deserve love then you’ll sabotage it
Selfish component in romantic love: you need to be doing it for you, not just the other person for it to truly be romantic love
Admire complementary differences

If someone does not believe they deserve to be happy they will find a way to sabotage it: “happiness anxiety” You cannot make her happy unless she deserves to be happy.

Ways to identify People with high self-esteem
Have respect for reality. Low self-esteem: delusional, superstitious. The other person is not perfect, they don’t over idealize them or an ex who obviously mistreated them.
Are unafraid speak up for themselves and say what they want.
Usually had good relationship with their father, quotes their father
Can take a compliment rather than dismiss it.
High self-esteem person you feel like you have more energy being around vs. low self-esteem person feels like they drain your energy

Beautiful Women (people) do not necessarily have high self-esteem
“Daddy’s girls” often have high self-esteem
These women had a strong relationship with their father
Father was loving, caring, nurturing, disciplined when necessary, provided unconditional love
didn’t spoil her per se, he taught her to be independent, believe in herself, respect for reality, accountable for her own actions
often the youngest or only daughter

Low self esteem –
chronically cynical.
poorly treated in past relationships.
Lack of independent goals

Are you with the right woman:

Right – feel good about yourself
Increases your energy
Able to work out problems with you
You can talk to her about anything
Easy to get her to talk to you, all night long
Feel like yourself with her
Feel like her hero
Walk with confidence, instead of egg shells

How do you find a woman with a good sense of deservedness? Mark Cunningham:
High self esteem can describe her goals independently

Other ways to identify self-esteem.

In the game “The Cube” (described in full detail in the appendix) there are several parts of the image. The cube represents the player's image of himself or herself. A cube that is small in the perspective of the scene suggests that the player thinks of themselves as insignificant or modest while a larger cube suggests the opposite. A cube on the ground indicates the player is "down to earth," while a floating cube may indicate a dreamer. The material of the cube is also of interest.

Handwriting analysis (grapho analysis)
In handwriting high self esteem appears as a t bar crossed at or close to the top of the stem. A “t” bar crossed at the height of middle zone letters like m, o, e etc. indicates low self esteem. A lower case personal pronoun “i” is also a sign of someone with low self image.

Framing and Reframing

Framing and Reframing

What is reframing? First let’s define what a frame is. Basically it is the context that you use when you look at a situation. Another way of saying this is that you can’t always control what happens to you, but you can control how you choose to perceive it and respond to it. People are “meaning making machines” and the meaning that you choose to make from something that happens is at the root of how you respond to it. However if you were to change the perspective on how you perceive an occurrence then the impact of that event would be different.

For example when you look at a picture you could zoom in on it really close and see things one way or zoom out and see things in a different way. Perhaps you have seen those commercials for air filters that show you what a dust mite looks like when you zoom in 1000%. Pretty scary huh? Or you could zoom out and not even notice that it was there from your normal field of vision.

Reframing then means consciously choosing to change the frame that you view a situation from.

For example suppose you got laid off because of the economic situation, such as what happened to me. You could view it as a gloomy problem that needs to be fixed, worry about it, dwell upon it, but could take months to find another job of the same caliber.

Or you could view in as an opportunity to take a vacation around the world, start your own business or write a book. I read an article in the Wall Street Journal that spoke of several out of work employees from the financial sector that climbed mountains and did all kinds of interesting things with their time non that they had the time.

Perhaps someone broke up with you and “broke your heart.” You could say it just didn’t work out. Or maybe there were various reasons that the two of you weren’t compatible or maybe it was just the circumstances that were involved. If you felt really bad about the situation, perhaps the way your interpreted it was that somehow you weren’t good enough or something you did screwed it up.

However you could also choose to use a different frame of that is what happened and it just didn’t work out. Perhaps the circumstances really had nothing to do with you or what you did. And most importantly a breakup opens up a new space to meet someone wonderful for whatever it is that you are looking for from them.

When you first meet someone they might immediately test your frame, your reality to quickly find out who you really are. Your responses to someone’s behavior will tell them much about you and of course you can do the same to them. However good you are at faking emotions and behaviors at a certain point you may run into problems if your beliefs do not back up the behaviors that you are trying to convey.

For example if you are trying to act confident and self-assured but actually still feel insecure then something in your body language, movements, facial expressions or voice tonality are going to give you away.

The key is to create your confident frame so that your communication, behavior and responses to other people’s communication and behavior matches up. How do we do that? There are many different tools and ways to build it up. But it starts with identifying the beliefs about yourself and about women that are going to be helpful in getting you the kind of success you have always desired with women.

Friday, August 7, 2009

93% of your communication is non-verbal and what you can do about it

It has been commonly said that 93% of communication is nonverbal. While this number comes from a study made years ago and is hard to pin down as an absolute percentage it is commonly accepted fact that a vast majority of your communication comes from your body language, body movements, voice tonality and other communication besides your words.

With his knowledge in mind, is it still important what you say? Yes it is.
You don’t want to say things that will screw things up for you by setting off red flags or by making you appear unattractive.

Text messages or emails only involve words so in those cases all you have to use are your words.
1. However in any face to face interaction your body language, body movements, eye contact, positioning, voice volume and tonality are all going to be the majority of your communication and how she perceives and responds to you as a person. Your non-verbal communication is always going to show through.

In phone conversations your words are slightly more important but a huge amount of your communication is going to come down to your voice inflection, tone, tempo and pacing. That is why it is important to develop your vocal range and ability to project emotions.

2. Your non-verbal communication is a reflection of your current state of mind and the underlying attitudes and beliefs that constitute your frame of mind. In order to lead her congruently remember this principle: You must go first

Therefore to communicate congruently you need to be able to go into an emotional state so that your words match what you are actually feeling. This can be a general high energy state of mind or it can be one that matches with a specific story or specifically crafted language pattern.

Communication for seduction and generating attraction is emotional and not logical. Your non-verbal communication has to be able to lead her into progressively more powerful states of mind. Therefore you need to be able to capture and lead her emotions by generating emotions in yourself and then using those to guide your communication to lead her where you want her to go.

3. People do not always know if you are telling the truth or not, however they can identify if your communication is congruent or not. By developing your ability to calibrate to other people’s communication you can better understand where they are at in terms of their emotional state. Also the reason that people test you is if they don’t think that you are congruent, that not all parts of your communication match each other or match what you are saying.

For example your words could be bold and cocky but your voice sounds weak and insecure. This would create a situation where you would be incongruent in your communication. Either they will not believe you at all, or if there is any doubt they will test you.

While practicing “good” body language and posture and working on your voice tonality is helpful, it ultimately has to come from the right emotional state and be a reflection of your attitudes and beliefs. This is where inner game and outer game meet, in the congruence of your emotional communication. This is point where you start to become a “natural” with women so that when your communication is effectively aligned with what you want you know that you can get what you want.

What do women want from men, sex and relationships in their early 20s?

In addition to being in touch with what you want when it comes to women you also need to consider what the woman you are attracted to is looking for. There are many men out there that just assume that a woman is always looking for an exclusive relationship. This is simply not true. It doesn’t mean that these women are not interested in sex though, as long as it can occur for them in a way in which they can feel good about themselves and their decision. Part of the way to do this is to demonstrate an understanding of where they are in their life when it comes to their career, their lives, sex and relationships.

Let’s take a look at one subset of women that I have had a large amount of experience with that are often not looking for a long term committed relationship. In my experience women that are just out of college about 22 – 25 are often not looking for a serious relationship. This is great as long as you are certain that you are also not looking for a serious relationship. However as I learned the hard way attempting to pursue a longer term relationship with a woman of this age can setup you up for disappointment and heart break. Then can be because she perceives a “relationship” as getting in the way of her dreams and goals that are part of her life plan.

After much reflection and by talking to many, many different women ranging in age from 22 to well into their 40s and 50s I have come up with several reasons why women in their early 20s are not looking for a long term relationship. Much of this comes down to how they see their life developing when it comes to balancing career and family. Before they “settle down” to a married life with kids there are other life goals they want to accomplish.

1) The want to focus on their career and/or grad school and make sure it is on track.

2) They want to travel, see new places and have exciting stimulating experiences.

3) They want to take from the energy and emotion that goes into a relationship and focus it on self development. Most have probably had at least one serious relationship in college and maybe one in high school too and are now ready to develop their own identity apart from men. Some women I have talked to describe this as being a burden or feeling tied down.

4) They want to experiment and explore different possibilities with different men. Part of this is realizing that they enjoy sex and that there are many possibilities beyond a traditional monogamous relationship out there for them to explore. This energy to explore is further pent up by an acceptance of sex outside a traditional “committed relationship” as acceptable for them.

Another thing to consider is that a woman in her early 20s is typically feeling that she is at or near the peak of her physical attractiveness and desirability to men. Generally she knows that she will have the most choice with men based on her physical attractiveness at this stage in her life than she ever will, so now is the time to work with it.

This is not to say that there are many women that are very physically attractive that are older than their early 20s. I have met and enjoyed the company of many women that are older. However attractive women at this age are constantly getting a lot of attention from men and can feel confident that even if they meet a great guy that would be great, that there will be others coming along when it fits their life plan to meet a guy and “settle down” into a relationship.

5) They want to do all of these things while they are young and before they prepare to settle down and have a family. Oftentimes women may have been advised this way by friends, their parents and others. Be young, do your thing and then if you want to have kids, do this while you are still young and have energy to keep up with young kids.

If a woman thinks that the relationship is moving in a direction that is too serious or heading in the direction of marriage then she will freak out or get scared off and they will pull away. This is important to consider because at this early 20s stage of a woman’s life women can be just as afraid of commitment as men are stereotyped to be, maybe even more so.

This freakout over whether or not a relationship is in line with her life’s goals is a distinct phenomena from other reasons why a woman might pull away from you such as:

1) She is losing interest in you or the relationship with you.

2) She is interested in other guys and wants to pursue those options.

3) The relationship is good and she is attracted to you, but she is determined to sabotage it because she doesn’t believe she deserves a good relationship with a guy she really likes.

4) She is still getting over being burned in the past and is afraid of getting emotionally hurt again.

Therefore it is possible that even if you have a good, healthy relationship with a woman in her early 20s it can end for reasons that have nothing to do with you or with the quality of the relationship between the two of you. If you keep these ideas in mind and are true to yourself about what you really want out of women and relationships, then you are in a better place to get what you want and also give her what she wants.

What should you expect from a woman in her early 20s?
She might be good for a short term exclusive relationship, casual friends with benefits, one night stands or longer term non-exclusive dating arrangements. However oftentimes she will not be looking for that one guy that they want to be in a committed relationship with and later marry.

With that in mind know that by demonstrating an understanding of women in their early 20s and where they are at in life you can set the stage for alternative arrangements to an exclusive relationship. Know what her dreams and goals are. Before you get past a certain point of being too emotionally invested in her, ask.
At what age is she looking to start a family?
What does she want to accomplish in her life before starting a family?
Does she believe in a traditional family or does she never want to get married and/ or have kids?

Knowing these answers will be key as you choose how you want to pursue your interactions with her and knowing what you can expect from her.

What do you "really" want when it comes to women, sex and relationships?

As someone who first discovered the seduction/ PUA community and has applied the teachings for over 10 years I have had many different experiences with women, many of them “Same Night Lays” where we met and went home very soon after we met. I have also had multiple long term relationships and even exclusive longer term relationships. Many of my Same Night Lay experiences turned into longer term “friends with benefits” or exclusive long term relationships. However developing and managing longer term relationship requires a different set of skills than just picking someone up and escalating the level of attraction.

Before you go out looking for women to pickup you must first get in touch with yourself and your expectations when it comes to women, sex and relationships. Where you are at in your life as it relates to women? What it is you want out of your experiences with women? It can be harder than you would think at first. Knowing what you want requires self awareness and a willingness to be truthful with yourself even if it goes against the way you think things “should” be.

In my experience many of my clients have thought they should want a relationship because that is what they believe a “nice” “respectable” guy should do. However they really just want to have sex, but somehow feel guilty or “bad” about their desires. Perhaps you want to have multiple relationships, multiple sex partners but are struggling with your own beliefs about whether it is right or not.

Conversely you might think you just want to pickup women for sex and not want a ongoing relationship where you get emotionally involved, but you actually really want a relationship. That’s where I’ve found myself before, thinking I just wanted sex with many different women when I was actually looking for a relationship. However I did not realize I wanted a relationship until I met a woman I was highly attracted to bring it out, at a time and stage in life where I was looking for it. Next we’ll look at how a woman’s stage in life can affect what she is looking for when it comes to men, sex and relationships.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Breaking up is hard to do: advice on how to examine your past relationships and move on

One thing that is important before you can move forward in your life is to make sure that you are ok with what has happened in the past. Sometimes the best way we know how to deal with emotionally hurtful situations is to move on without reflecting upon the past. However if you find yourself stuck in an area of your life including your romantic/ sex life, consider that there are events and issues from past that you have not resolved yet.

The relationship is over and you are feeling bad. Build yourself up without putting the other person down.
• List things about you that make you a great catch
• List things about who you were being as a person in the relationship that were great

What lessons could be learned from what you did while in the relationship and what kind of person you were being?
• Did you maintain a healthy balance in your life?
• Did you continue to make progress on your own professional and personal goals and needs or lose them to the “relationship?”
• Are there things you would do differently next time?
• Was the other person meeting your needs in the relationship? Were you meeting there’s?

What reasons are there that it would not have worked out? As you list the reasons do this in an objective way where you are not making what either you or the other person did wrong, even if they did something that was very hurtful to you. Consider that from the other person’s perspective that the root of their actions toward you involved them and not you.
• Were there external circumstances that got in the way?
• Was she or you looking for the same thing at the same time? Be honest.
• Were there differences in personality or childhood upbringing that would have been deal breakers?
• Did you guys see the world in very different ways? Different value and philosophies, ways of thinking?
• Make sure the reasons are not just blaming you or blaming her, but were problem points.

What was good about the relationship and what you did that you can carry with you for the future? Just because it didn’t work out, know that if it lasted for any length of time there were some redeeming qualities that you can build upon for yourself and that you can look for in a future relationship.
• Things you did
• Things she did
• Experiences and activities that you shared
• How you treated each other

How did the breakup go down? In the midst of powerful emotions it is easy for there to be miscommunication. It is also easy to give meaning to things that were said or done which may not really be true.
• What actually happened vs. the meaning that you give them.
• what did she do?
• what did you do?
• what did you and her actually say? What reasons did you give each other?

Some advice on a clean breakup
• Cut communication cold for a long enough period of time to reset how you think about each other.
o This is the only way to avoid getting back together again and prolonging the relationship.
o Do not hold onto the past it will cause one of you or both of you some pain
o Realized that time not spent communicating with your ex is time to work on yourself, reconnect with friends and build positive experiences that allow you to move on
o Long enough could be anywhere from 3 months to a year or more to never talking again. A good guideline might be until after you and her have moved into your next relationship.
o Don’t communicate again until you are ready for it to be in a different way other than as a romantic or sexual relationship.

• If you have gotten back together again consider the reasons why you have broken up before.
o Unless the original reasons have been resolved then you will probably breakup again and it will prolong the pain and prolong the time until you move onto a better relationship.
o Consider why you haven’t moved on, why you are still holding onto the past? Is it fear that you can’t do better. Do you just like the drama and excitement the breaking up and getting back together generates.
o Consider why they haven’t moved on.

There are a few cases where it might be worth trying to get back together again with someone. One case would be if the relationship was fundamentally solid, there were not significant unresolved issues, it was making both of you happy, but external circumstances got in the way. This could include:
o One of you is moving away for a long period of time for a job, for education for the armed forces. And that it would be almost impossible to meet in person on a regular basis.
o One of you is looking for more commitment than the other. This could include one person wants an exclusive relationship and the other person does not, one person wants to get married and the other does not, one person wants kids and the other does not.

• If the reasons that led to the breakup have changed, i.e. you are now living in the same area or you are now ready for the same level of commitment, then go ahead and give it a shot. Realize that first you and the other person must both be complete with the past in such a way that neither one of you hold any anger or resentment toward the other.

So those are my thoughts on breakups and some advice on how you can learn from them and move on to a happy and fulfilling future.