Biggest Mistakes once in a relationship:
Not staying sexy …
Don’t quit your game, approach and meet women all the time. By continuing to flirt respectfully you keep up your edge and sexiness.
Not keeping the abundance mentality.
By continuing to go out and flirt respectfully it helps keep you from becoming too needy and believing that you have only one option. It also keeps your partner on her toes because she knows that if she slips up then she could lose you. Keeping the abundance mentality is also important because as you evolve and develop as a person your interests could change.
Becoming too comfortable and lazy.
Don’t get complacent or stop doing the things that initially generated attraction in your woman. This includes being unpredictable at times.
Not integrating skills and a lifestyle
Over time your lifestyle is going to be important to the ongoing relationship. It keeps things fresh and interesting. It’s part of your social value to her.
Magnify Inner Game while in a relationship
Use this as an opportunity to continue to build yourself up.
Becoming over idealistic, over awed by the woman you are with.
Another problem that can occur is to fall in love with falling in love. Or lose control of your actions by following your emotions. While someone may be great, allowing yourself to lose too much control will end up leading you down a dangerous path where you lose control of the relationship as well as her respect and your own self-respect. This includes failing her tests of
Continuing to flirt with other women, is very important and I think it helps preempt many frame tests. Her feeling like she has to work for it and compete with you is also very important because it re validates her choice to herself. The trick is finding the balance in a relationship between continuing to apply the principles that you used to pick her up while enjoying the emotional ride because it feels good. You must find a balance between logically knowing what you need to do in spite of good emotions.
The problem is that going for the emotional ride is nice, giving up a degree of control can be nice. The slippery slope is that she may appear to reward your compliance or nice things that you do for her, while she simultaneously still wants to be challenged and feel like she has to work to get you. Too much compliance or "nice" from you results in a test even if she appeared to reward it at the time.
You can’t completely surrender to the emotional ride while maintaining control of the frame at the same time, you need to continue to think logically and act in spite of intense emotions and feelings. At the same time I think really part of being in a relationship is having the confidence that even when you lose some control you know you can get it back again. That is what the roller coaster is, the give and take. Sometimes you’re the one chasing, other times you are the one being chased.
One thing I've realized, basic principles that are necessary for generating attraction need to continue during the relationship to keep her attracted and retain the power and the challenge aspect to her. You also need to pro actively do this even when it appears a woman is totally into you and is not giving you any tests. As soon as she somehow feels she might have the upper hand i.e. you've weakened, she's strengthened or it's the same and she wants to reverify the status quo. Frame control tests keep going all throughout a relationship as a struggle to see who has the upper hand. The best way to deal with them is to never lose the frame in the first place, retain your power by being social and continuing to do things that make you socially valuable independent of her.
One mistake that you can make is to abandon the concept of the frame, of who has more power, dominance etc. It is easy to get swept away by all of the good feelings awed by a woman. However you must still maintain control and not allow yourself to be pussy whipped or come to be dependent on her validation and approval. I started to feel good about doing “nice” things for her because she kept rewarding me by acting appreciative and thanking me. I assumed that this meant there would not be any need for me to continue to be a challenge as much as long as she was constantly qualifying herself to me.
But this can be a trap as even though women want an alpha male, they will try to turn him into a beta male. Once he turns beta and is under their control they start to lose attraction to him. Once you start to fail her tests it is a slippery slope downward. I think this is yet another reason why any longer term relationship always has conflict at least some of the time.
It is in losing yourself to the good feelings and chasing them you become the Nice Guy or rather the "Sappy Guy". Beware doing too many things that are “nice” as it may be perceived as an attempt to buy her affection with your money or efforts. This is why Nice Guys are seen as incredibly weak by women and men. And this is why Nice Guys are still seen as "children" even if they have grown male bodies.
Can we be 'over-awed' on other things and create a type of 'unhealthy Nice Guy addiction'? Certainly! The intense feelings of sex can over-awe people and have people literally worshipping copulation itself (and lose total control of themselves to it). In a phrase: Pussy whipped. Likewise, the intense feelings of alcohol, drugs, and even food also can 'over-awe' people and keep them addicted to this 'awed' state.
The worst culprit is the modern notion of "love" that is seen as something you submit to, something to "over-awe" you. This definition of "love" keeps the Nice Guy in a state of continued cycle no matter how many times he gets burned. Does this mean one cannot be 'awed' by a woman? You fall in and out of awe over the course of any long relationship. But you certainly don't 'submit' to this awe. Nice Guys see themselves as Romantics. Vain women see the Nice Guy as submitting to their WONDERFUL selves (which every woman thinks herself wonderful). The truth is in the middle. Nice Guys are submitting to their misplaced awe (usually placed upon some hard to obtain woman).
Don't let feelings of awe have you lose control of yourself. And certainly, never submit to it.
Stewart Brand – The Polymath of Polymaths
15 hours ago