Thursday, December 11, 2008

Be Observant - Demonstrate awareness and understanding of her reality

One key to building rapport and to leading a social interaction is the ability to demonstrate authority and understanding of what is real in her world. By authority I don’t mean the kind of authority that involves dictating what someone can and cannot do. The kind of authority I mean is to demonstrate understanding and awareness of who she is as a person, what her current situation is and what she is probably thinking. By real I mean that each person's reality is uniquely different. This includes what is going on, what is important to her and how she responds to what is going on around her.

A technique for building this understanding and authority is to verbalize what is happening in the present moment with her and her surrounding environment to demonstrate understanding. One thing you can do is to “call out the elephant in the room.” For example if something happens that is obvious that she noticed or that is distracting, such as a bar fight where the bouncers roughly escort someone out of the room then you should mention this. Another example would be to make a humorous observation on some guy trying to hit on a friend of hers.

Demonstrating awareness of the surrounding environment can be used as a way to get her comfortable with following your lead. For example, wow there’s a big fight over there, let’s take a few steps over this way. Basically any observation that is used to pace her reality can be an opportunity to lead and see if she will follow your lead. Even simply moving a few steps from where you are presently standing can make a difference in terms of getting her to begin to follow your lead.

Or you could make an observation about her body posture, how she carries herself, or her facial expression and turn it into something akin to a cold read. Right or wrong the fact that you noticed something about her besides physical attraction. the current environment like, “it looks like you are out with your friends for a girls night out. Perhaps we should hang out some other time when there are not all of these other things going on.” Whether the observation turns out to be true or not it is another way to get an idea of what kind of logistics you are dealing with without asking it as a question.

By verbalizing your observation, it gives her the opportunity to explain how she knows the people she is around and it gives you a way for you to figure out the logistics to plan your night. For example she could say, “I don’t really even know most of these women, and came here separately.” Or she might say “yeah, I haven’t seen these girls in awhile, but I’d love to talk to you some other time.” That way you know early on in the evening whether you should build toward taking her home that night or if you should build some rapport but know that you’re better off angling for a phone number or schedule another time to meet.

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