Thursday, December 11, 2008

Putting Women on a Pedestal

One thing that men do and especially those who haven't had as much success with women - is they tend to put a woman on a pedestal based on their attraction to her physical appearance. This crush gets compounded if he mistakes polite friendliness for sexual interest, without ever getting to know who she is as a person or establish if she is actually attracted to him. The phenomenon of projecting positive characteristics on to someone because they like them is known as the “halo effect” in psychology.

Making a woman "perfect" in your mind completely screws up how you would pursue a potential relationship with her. A much better approach before you project too many positive qualities onto her is to talk to her with an open mind while actively looking for and screening for the non-physical appearance qualities that you desire in a woman. Before you project things onto her talk to her with an open mind and see what you see about her. You might find that while she was physically very attractive to you at first that it fades when you learn more about her. Observe and see how she responds to you and to what you are communicating. Is she attracted to you or just being friendly and polite?

Know that if you attempt to buy her things or be “nice” without her first having accepted that she is attracted to you it will be seen by her as attempting to buy or beg your way into her pants. Women are used to men doing things to try and win them over, and while it might make them feel good it does not build feelings of attraction or respect for the man who is attempting to buy her affection. A strong, valuable guy does not need to buy anything because he will desired by her just because of who he is. Some women might take advantage of what is being freely given toward them, drinks, gifts etc. but have not have expectation of giving themselves in return.

If you proceed to do or say “nice” things without doing anything to establish that you are interested in her for reasons besides her physical attractiveness (qualifying her) then she could easily conclude that her physical attractiveness is the only thing you are interested in, rather than who she is as a person. If you intrude too much into her space or her time, physical touching when she is not attracted to without her being attracted to you if will tend to drive her away and you will be seen as “creepy.”

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