One thing I have run into when winging with other guys is some guys get impatient with a venue, sometimes giving up on it too soon. Now this is always going to be a problem anytime you are working with a wing. You have different styles, maybe different ages, different approaches. Some guys like dance game, others prefer to be able to talk more and dig into some deeper topics.
While it can be a good idea to leave a venue that is really not working for you, I would argue that most of the time you are better off toughing it out in your current venue for several reasons.
But first, a story to illustrate my point. About a month ago I was out alone, all of my primary wingmen were out of town or otherwise busy. I didn’t even feel like going out except I needed to retrieve my credit card from the previous night. To jazz things up I decided to wear this crazy pink and black stripped cowboy hat that I had. At first I felt kind of weird, crazy cowboy hat and I didn’t feel up to talking to anyone. Over the course of the night women opened me and I talked to several different groups of women. My state began to change and the bar became more crowded. Then I talked to a two set from Columbia for a little while right in front of the ladies room. One of the two women kept pawing at my chest and even kissed me once or twice. However after a quick test close I realized that it wasn’t going to get her home that night because they were au pairs who had to get back to their host families. So I excused myself and went back out on the hunt. This time I found a woman and things started to happen rapidly after several moves that were rapidly stacked one on top of the other we were heading back to my place less than 30 minutes after meeting (see the LR from January at Lucky Bar posted on this blog).
The point of the story, I stayed in the same venue and it helped me. Why should you stay in the same venue.
1) It builds character. Some external situations are just out of your control, like there being no women in the bar at all. But sometimes it is just another form of approach anxiety at work, or an excuse without any valid reasons to back it up.
2) You have to start over for building social proof. Assuming that you are talking to women in the bar, you are building your own status as you go. Even if things do not work out exactly as you would like them to, women do not always know that from a distance. They do know that you have been talking to different women, and are not afraid to talk to women.
3) You have to start over in terms of building your own comfort or vibe in the venue. I think this is often overlooked when it comes to “inner game” and being comfortable approaching women. Sometimes you just get a feel for the social dynamic in a venue or a feel for the venue itself. I don’t know if this is important to everyone, but sometimes it just takes time to get comfortable with a situation but once you are comfortable then you are in good shape.
How to Do Crazy Good Turns — Frank Blake
3 days ago