Thursday, October 16, 2008

Article: Handle the friend interrupt before the friend interrupts using the power of innoculation

Perhaps this has happened to you. If it hasn’t happened yet, trust me as you begin to get really good at this you will encounter this type of scenario as you try to pull women home with you from bars and clubs. You meet a woman and things are going very nicely until a friend or acquaintance of hers interrupts and screws everything up.

For example: one night I met a really cute blonde at a bar in Adams Morgan just by walking up to her and saying hi in a friendly, energetic way. She initiated touch with me within minutes of talking and things were going great, so I kept escalating rapidly. Then we went upstairs and made out and ground against each other on the couch. I was just about to take her home with me when her friends showed up and physically dragged her out of the bar and put her in a cab home. Wow, it happened so fast and I couldn’t come up with an effective response.

What could I have done differently and what can you do to prevent that from happening to you?

  • Some would argue that you should not physically escalate unless you are already in a place where you can take things physical, or that you should not escalate a situation that rapidly. However I don't like that approach because that approach assumes that a woman is not looking for a powerful rapid sexual escalation, which is very often not true. I have found rapidly escalating your interaction in a sexual way is very effective and has actually led to some of my longest-term relationships.
  • Another possible way of acting would be to use wingmen to occupy the friends so that they can’t possibly interfere. However that assumes that her “friends” are going to get in the way and it also makes work for your wingmen who may not want to or be able to keep the friends occupied.
  • Or you could attempt to win over the friends so that they like you. However this assumes that A) the friends need to be won over for the woman to decide she wants to be with you and B) that you can win them over.
  • In my perspective there is a much better and easier way to rapidly build attraction with a woman and also take care of the possibility of friend interrupts. Assuming the woman is not too drunk or tired: Build solid amounts of attraction and comfort with the woman you want to be with AND for added benefit inoculate again the interruptions before they happen.

Before we discuss what inoculation is and some ways to do it, let’s examine a few reasons why a woman’s friends would try to pull her away when it appears she is enjoying your company. Some reasons appear to be because the friends are looking out for the woman’s best interests and others are because of the friend’s own agenda, while still other interruptions are not really a problem to be concerned about.

First a few interruptions to not worry about:

  • Her friend is checking in to see how she is doing, to confirm that you are at least a halfway decent guy and to give her a graceful way to leave the conversation.
  • The friend is just stopping by to give news that she or some of her friends are leaving to another venue or part of the venue, ut not because she is trying to pull you guys apart. There are several options, but once again necessarily a problem, she may invite you to go with, or decline her friends and stay with you.

These interuptions could be a problem:

  • The friend could be concerned that your woman of interest is going to do something she will regret later, but it has nothing to do with you. Rather the friend is concerned because she believes your woman is too drunk or has been dealing with some stressful, emotional events in her life.
    But in spite of the circumstances the woman with you might still want to hook up and is sure she knows best for herself if you have structured things correctly and if she is still relatively lucid.
  • The friend(s) are jealous about the attention your woman is receiving from you or are just angry at men in general.
    If this is the case you have a situation that can work to your advantage, because if the women know each other well this has probably happened before. However rather than attempt to deal engage the friends or have your wingmen engage the friends at this stage in the game, focus on the woman. A woman that is sufficiently interested in you will get mad at her friends trying to get in the way and will continue to pay attention to you. If you get a moment to talk you could always jokingly say something like “do they always act this way?” Or even something like “do your friends ever get jealous that you get all of the attention?”
  • The woman is sending signals to her friend that she wants to be pulled away but you are missing them. Obviously if this is the case there is not much you can do. However if you are good at reading her body language and she is having a good time this won’t happen too often.
  • The friend thinks you’re a “player.”
    Notice I said the friend and not the woman you are talking to. This is a different scenario of a “friend” attempting to be protective or impose her values. The "player" part could just be part of playing the “bad boy” role. If your woman of the night has already realized this, and is ok with you, any “friend” attempts to pull you away can work to your advantage and might drive her further into your arms.

Now that we’ve discussed these possible scenarios, let’s get back to inoculation. The dictionary definition of inoculate means to do something to prevent something bad from happening, i.e. an illness. In the context of your seduction it means building-in ways to handle common resistance and interrupts before they happen. Here are a few ways:

1) Get her to ratify the experience, that is have her tell you she is having a good time as the two of you interact. You can do this by casually asking her if she is having a good time at a time when it is obvious that she is. When she says to you that she is having a good time, it ratified the experience or make it more real to her.

“I know at some point in the night your friends are going to come over to check on you and when they do just tell them you are just fine and having a good time (nod your head yes as you say this.” You can say this sincerely or you can say it in a cocky funny way and she might have a witty comeback. But if she likes you, rest assured the message will get laughed in and you have just given her some ammo she can use if necessary.

2) Another less direct way is to bring up the topic by quoting someone else in the context of a story and use that to suggest ways for her to deal with interruptions. For example “I was talking to a female friend of mine the other day and she was describing the buddy system that women have to make sure that no one is left behind. However she told me that sometimes women have signals where they can tell if their friend wants to be left alone. Do you and your friends do that?” As she starts talking she will inevitably think about how she will handle things if her friends attempt to interrupt. You might also steer the conversation towards how women can be jealous and want to interrupt just because they aren’t getting any attention.

3) Still another way to handle it is to part of your qualification of her and establish the frame of the interaction. You want her behavior to uphold a standard for how you like women to act. For example “I like a strong woman who isn’t afraid to go for what she wants, in spite of what others may think.” This is ambiguous and can relate to many areas of life, but it is something she will want to demonstrate. One way for her to demonstrate that she is a strong woman is to stay with you even if her friends don’t want her to.

So there now we have reviewed a few possible kinds of interruptions and a some ways to preemptively handle them by inoculation. With this tool in your arsenal you have one more method to handle this contingency. Happy sarging!

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