At Fado's in Chinatown after talking to some guys for awhile, I wandered around Fado’s for a bit, and then started walked up to a girl with curly dark hair and fair porcelin-like skin that was standing off to the side of a group of 4 women and 2-3 guys, I started with a high-energy opener and a hug and kiss on the cheek as if I knew her and mirrored her responses back to her.
A few minutes of light fun fluff talk where I teased her about being a Jersey girl, and lots of touching, including little hugs, briefly massaging her shoulders among other things. I learned that she was a Jersey girl visiting from New York to see her college sorority sisters from W and L. She is also an actress and print model as I later learned when she friended me. She turned to talk to one of her friends and I got introduced to them and I talked to them for a few minutes. Then they started talking amongst themselves again and one or two of them left, so I went back into isolation. I segued into Instantaneous Connection pattern light, my sister is in a sorority in college, isn’t it great how you can feel that bond… Her eyes looked up and to the left and she took a deep breath and put her hand on her chest kind of over her heart. I mirrored the eye movement and gesture back to her and then transitioned into the pattern linking to myself. Its just like when you meet this person and feel this instantaneous connection with them …
Then I moved into some signal recognition patterns, what is the first signal you get on the inside that let’s you know you’re attracted to this guy, at first she said she didn’t recognize the feeling, which is not too uncommon for a girl that’s just out of college, but her eyes looked up and she bit her lower lip. I mirrored it back to start the loop. I tried to get her to describe the feeling so I could work with it, “a friend of mine said that sometimes she would feel butterflies in her tummy and this feeling starts here and begins to flow … here” and gestured with my hands up from my stomach. This seemed to get things moving and I got her to the color part, for the shape I got a blank, so I just said if you were to give it a shape … Then I took the red circle and turned it into a filter. She blushed a little and I gave her another big hug and then massaged her back just a little.
We talked about things like “The Secret” and the law of manifestation and energy. Since she was a singer and actor I worked with an old pattern that relates to the energy feedback loop of being a performer on stage. We talk about going for what you want in life.
She wanted to dance and so I orchestrated a venue change to Rocketbar where the rest of my guys had gone. It took a moment to get everyone ready to go and then once we were outside one of the friends was inside with a guy. We told her just to bring the guy with her, but he stayed and I think they exchanged numbers.
At rocketbar, the male to female ratio appeared to be significantly less favorable than it had been at 10:00. Dark curly hair buys me a long island and we sit back and talk along-side the bar. Seemingly out of nowhere one of her friends (let's call her bitchy blonde) starts to aggressively interrupt, actually positioning herself between the two of us. My girl holds onto my hand and is clearly not going along with whatever her friend is trying to do, but is trying to be non-confrontational.
My girl moves away for a moment and I end up talking to the guy who we had thought was bitchy blondes boyfriend. It turns out he was just along for a date and had barely met her, there did not appear to be too much chemistry and he said that bitchy blonde was just trying to look out for her friend. Then the blonde starts in on me, don’t be trying to take my girl away from me, and I said we’ve been standing here the whole time, but I understand you haven’t seen your friend in a long time and want to catch up with her this weekend. Then she starts threatening me, “I’ll kick your ass and cut you if you do anything bad to my friend.” I just said, “cool, its good to know you care about your friend” in an unaffected, indifferent manner. This pissed off the girl so she got even more wound up and I said, it sounds like you don’t trust your friend’s judgment. She said I sounded defensive and I told her that threatening violence seemed like an attack. I said I felt bad for her, (with some fake sympathy) because she must have had some really bad experiences with men in the past. I also said it sounded like she didn’t trust her friend’s judgment.
I brought in Dare and Fearless for some backup to deal with what now appeared to be jealous obstacles. Fearless appeared to have short little brunette locked in for awhile. At some point things started to fall apart again, her other friend had dragged my girl off toward the bathroom. Then next thing I knew my girl is heading for the door. I try to talk to her but she doesn’t want to talk and heads upstairs. I hesitated for a moment, briefly spoke with Dare and then headed outside after her. She was near the point of tears and I learned that her friends had told her to go home.
The only problem was she was supposed to be staying with them and now she was outside and they were still in the bar. So, I told her what her friend had said to me and how she didn’t seem to trust her judgment. I also told her about how she and the guy didn’t really know each other. This got her going about how her friend was jealous and “always did this in college,” and they were “always getting in the way when she was talking to a guy and trying to run her life.” She said she was tired of drama and that she didn’t want to spend time with her friends anymore and didn’t know what she was going to do for a place to stay. I offered my place for her (she had clothes with her in her bag) and suggested we could go to the bar across the street.
My response, "isn’t it too bad she can’t just be happy for you." She nodded with this sad look on her face and thanked me for understanding. Her friends approached us on the sidewalk and she turned away as they approached. Bitchy blonde tried to be nice to me and say I was actually a really good guy, perhaps in response to seeing her friend run away and then appear to pick me over her. The girls left us outside and then I went back in to get my jacket.
A few minutes later we went to Clyde’s and Dare and Fearless met up with us and she told me about her relationship with her sorority sister girls. Then we drove back to Virginia, she apologized for imposing upon me and for the drama with her friends. I reframed it and told her that it was not her fault but that her friend must have deep-seated anger at men based on past experience and was jealous. She talked about she lives life without regret, hmm, how is this going to come in handy.
Back at my house one of the most protracted Last Minute Resistance struggles I’ve had in awhile began, before I finally closed things. Among the reasons, A) She was drunk during much of the emotional connection building at the beginning of the sarge, so it was now weakened or forgotten now that she was more sober. B) She was a more highly emotional type that I am used to dealing with and the drama with her friends interrupted things. C) Being young and thoroughly confused.
She changed to get dressed for bed while I grabbed some food from the kitchen. Then after making out, getting the top off getting plenty of physical arousal she resisted at the pants. I backed off and then moved to a back massage which became a full body massage, she compliments me and gets into it and I escalate things and then the attempt to just escalate and plow once again hits the wall. So I back off for awhile, get her to turn off the lights and roll over like I'm going to sleep. She reinitiates contact then once things escalate stops me again. Then I try to engage her in conversation, getting her to talk so I can figure out exactly what the objections are and then lay them to rest, reframe them or plow through with negation.
She started telling a story about how she made a new year’s resolution of chastity and about some bad experience of sleeping with a married man. At this point, I decided to give up dealing with this as token LMR that calls for empathy, comfort and understanding and deal with it as bullshit to be taken out tactically. I tried to get her to admit that her reason was silly and that she was contradicting herself by living her life based on regret.
She disagreed about her “bad experience” as having been regret but then agreed and told me that she would regret not sleeping with me. I ran a negation pattern about how she shouldn’t be feeling this and that and I escalated with vivid David Shade style dirty talk and physical escalation and then future paced the feelings, "imagine what it will be like when, and then imagine looking back on these feelings, now." Future pacing and negation are both ways around resistance, combining the two should be pretty potent.
This appeared to be making progress and then I backed off, and said I was going to go to sleep. She said I'm sure you've been with lots of women and asked how many women I had been with, how many recently. I told her that I usually go for women that are older than her, usually older than 25 because they know what they want and aren’t afraid to go for it without regret or caring what their friends would think.
She said she was cold and I said what do you want me to do about it? At this point I wanted to put the ball in her court, because I was tired of hitting a brick wall and also realized she had to make this her decision. I said we’ll find a way to warm you up and pushed some covers her direction. She said how would you warm me up? I don’t know, here I’ll give you a cuddle and a squeeze, in a flat, not-quite sarcastic tone (although I was feeling pretty damn sarcastic). With a disappointed sigh, she said "oh, well I was kind of expecting something else." So then I said what, "what you want me to fuck you?" She didn’t answer directly. So I said, "well maybe if you ask nicely, I will consider it." She recoiled turning her head away from me and then said I’m not going to say that. I said "I’ve offered it and you didn't go for this opportunity (put her hand on my dick) and I'm tired of offering." Then she said, "do you have a condom?"
The next day her friends stopped by my house to pick her up. They were actually pretty decent in that they didn’t call real early in the morning and then once they did call they took their time getting there. My girl got me to put on the snake skin cowboy hat, mardi gras beads and even some ski goggles to greet her friends. Once we started talking short little brunette returns to form and said that I should give advance warning if I was going to take a girl home that is an out of town guest staying with them. At this point I got frustrated again, was then woman actually being bitchy to me first thing in the morning in my own living room?
In a calm tone to attempt to conceal my irritation, I told her that I really had no intention of doing anything that night since I knew she was staying with her friends, that is until your clumsy attempts to interrupt drove your friend right into my arms. I told bitchy blonde “thank you” with a big grin, “thank you for serving up your friend to me on a silver platter.” Her jaw dropped, and for a moment there was finally silence, sweet silence.
I'll admit as I reflected back on the night I'm not proud of all of the things that I did, and may have been a little harsh. I did lose my cool a little and the situation really threw me off a little. Overall though it was a pretty good night, one that tested me considerably, but also made me realize that in the future I would probably just not pursue a situation like that.
Stewart Brand – The Polymath of Polymaths
15 hours ago